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IlliniGuys Sports Spectacular (Weekend of March 1, 2025) Heartland Newsfeed
Three out of four voices in my head want to sleep. The other wants to know if penguins have knees! **** A good laugh and a long nap are two best cures to anything. **** My Jeannie's cooking is so fabulous, even the smoke alarm cheers her on. **** Need a friend, text me. Need a laugh, call me. Need money? This number is no longer in service. **** My goal this weekend is to move just enough so that […]
Mac's Korner: Week of January 24, 2018 To those who want to plan a family - take the woman's age and the month she conceived, add them together - if odd, it'll be a boy. If even, it will be a girl. It has never failed that I know of. **** I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, photographs and mirrors. **** They say we learn from our mistakes. That's why I'm making as many as […]
Mac's Korner: Week of January 3, 2018 If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there. ……. People say I'm dumb, but I earned a Ph.D. in Poopology, so there! ……. I don't mean to brag, but I put a puzzle together in one day and the box said 2-4 years. ……. Life status: currently holding it all together with one bobby pin. ……. Yabba dabba dude...is that you, […]
Mac's Korner: Week of December 27, 2017 Take from a man his wealth, and you hinder him. Take from him his purpose, and you slow him down. But take from man his hope, and you stop him. He can go on without wealth, and even without purpose, for a while. But he will not go on without HOPE. ……. A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak." […]
Editor's Note: We apologize for the column not getting on the site on time the past couple weeks, but now it's time to catch up. There are three columns that are being written up today, which will be scheduled for today, December 20 and scheduled then for December 27 and January 3. Mac's Korner: Week of December 20, 2017 Ben Franklin once wrote..."Let no pleasure tempt thee, no ambition corrupt thee, no example sway thee, no persuasion move thee to do […]
Mac's Korner: Week of November 29, 2017 A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a golf club wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows." "We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the […]
Mac's Korner: Week of November 22, 2017 Late one night in Washington, DC a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of Harry Reid and stuck a gun in his ribs; "Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, Harry replied, "Don't you know who I am?" You can't do this...I am Senate Minority Leader, Harry Reid! I have been a United States Congressman since 1987. "In that case," the mugger said, "give me my money." .... Ronald Reagan […]
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