OUR VIEW: Epic Rap Battles of History in 2019, as we rate them (Part 1)

ERB Epic Rap Battles of History 2019
Epic Rap Battles of History released a rap battle between comedy legends George Carlin and George Pryor in July. (ERB/YouTube photo)

2019 presented the return of Epic Rap Battles of History for their sixth season and the first season going independent from Maker Studios, which is owned by Disney. Nine installments were uploaded this year, all of which were epic in their own ways. The editorial staff has ranked these installments based on a variety of factors, including character selection, the overall beat, the raps, and the finished product.

9. Freddy Krueger v. Wolverine

Freddy Krueger vs Wolverine - Epic Rap Battles of History.

The rap battle between one of the notorious horror film figures and one of the notable members of the X-Men was uploaded in April as the season opener to Season 6.

The role of Krueger was reprised by rapper Wax, while the role of Wolverine was reprised by series co-creator Lloyd Ahlquist, better known as EpicLLOYD. Cameo appearances of Edward Scissorhands (reprised by co-creator Peter Shukoff aka Nice Peter) and Jason Voorhees (reprised by producer Atul Singh) were featured in the video.

Welcome to prime time, bitch
Better stay awake like a meth head
Spread red on your bedspread
‘Til you lying there on your death bed
-- Freddy Krueger

We know the entire plot to all of the Freddy Krueger films, just not sure how this validly applies to Wolverine in this battle.

Don’t sleep? That’s all you got for me?
Could defeat your ass with a cup of tea
I been to hell and back and whooped Satan’s ass
You got beat by a Nancy on Elm Street
-- Wolverine

Freddy Krueger has no weaknesses in the dream world and could not be killed in your dreams. He proves vulnerable if he’s dragged into the real world, where he has limitations on what he can do. In a Quora response, it appears Freddy’s weaknesses in the real world include getting burned, getting decapitated, being sprinkled with holy water, running into his mother and people who are no longer afraid of him.

I ain’t got time for this
I’m saving the world
What qualities do you bring?
You’re a pedophile from the Midwest
At least R. Kelly could sing
-- Wolverine

Wolverine’s involvement in the X-Men has resulted in saving the world from ultimate destruction, often caused by Magneto’s Brotherhood of Mutants. The jab at R. Kelly reflects his known pedophilia which has come under the light during the #MeToo movement and is currently going through the legal system. The rapper hails from St. Louis, which is in the Midwestern United States.

While the above lines were great, it just wasn’t enough to move the needle for us anywhere near the top five.

8. Jacques Cousteau vs. Steve Irwin

Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin. Epic Rap Battles of History

This installment from August featured both EpicLLOYD (as Steve Irwin) and Nice Peter (Jacques Cousteau).

You’re the only manatee
I don’t want to conserve
-- Jacques Cousteau

Cousteau and Irwin were known conservationists and cared about the environment, not only for the habitats but also for the animals which inhabit them.

Would you rather talk about
Your brother, ooh boy
Nazi, Nazi, Nazi
Oy yoy yoy
-- Steve Irwin

Cousteau’s brother Pierre-Antoine was previously a communist during the 1930s and was ultimately led to anti-Semitism and anti-democracy, which led to his conversion to fascism. Cousteau attended the Nuremberg Rally held by the Nazis in 1937 and was impressed with the Nazism movement, but not without realizing their flaws. Cousteau also wrote the left-wing and anti-Stalinist publications Regards, Monde, Coup de Patte and Je suis partout.

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Sadly, there just wasn’t enough memorable raps in this battle, but still more memorable than Freddy Krueger vs. Wolverine.

7. Vlad The Impaler vs. Count Dracula

Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula. Epic Rap Battles of History

This installment from October in time for Halloween featured both EpicLLOYD (as Vlad The Impaler) and Nice Peter (as Count Dracula) with a guest appearance from Morgan Christensen, who played the role of Renfield.

Scorched the earth
From Hungary to Wallachia
I inspire fear
You inspire Count Chocula
-- Vlad The Impaler

Vlad The Impaler was a three-time ruler of Wallachia, which is part of modern-day Romania. His acts during his reigns led to a wake of destruction between Wallachia and Hungary. The jab at Count Dracula refers to the Count Chocula cereal from General Mills, which was brought to market in the spring of 1971.

Slick hair, popped collar
And a damn nice cape
While you’ve got less taste
Than an Anne Rice cake
-- Count Dracula

Dracula refers to his attire in comparison to Vlad’s. Anne Rice, who was mentioned in the verse, is an American author of gothic fiction, Christian literature and erotic literature, best known for her series of novels, The Vampire Chronicles.

Get beat by Count Dracula?
You’re smoking crackula
I dunk on your whackula
Raps like I’m Shaqula
Ohhhhh!
-- Vlad The Impaler

Vlad dismisses the assumption that he’s losing to Count Dracula in this battle and makes some annoying rhymes in his rap verse, even referring for former rapper and retired professional basketball player Shaquille O’Neal, better known as Shaq.

If the verses were much harder, this could have been a top-five contender.

6. George Carlin vs. Richard Pryor

George Carlin vs Richard Pryor. Epic Rap Battles of History

This July release featured a battle between two iconic comedians — George Carlin (played by Nice Peter) and Richard Pryor (played by musician ZEALE). The rap battle also featured Bill Cosby (played by Gary Anthony Williams), Joan Rivers (played by Jackie Tohn) and Robin Williams (played by EpicLLOYD).

Now there’s seven words
You can’t say on a TV set
But this is the pissing
Fucking cunting Internet
And my cock sucking
Mother fucking
Bits are the tits
Non stopping brain droppings
Like my wits got the shits
-- George Carlin

This is in reference to one of Carlin’s iconic bits “7 Words You Can’t Say On TV”, better known as “Seven Dirty Words”, which was first done at a Phoenix show in 1978.

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George Carlin The Seven Words Full

I’m the original brother
To give the scene some color
The most iconic stand up comic
Stand down, mother fucker
-- Richard Pryor

The Emmy and Academy Award-winning comedian from Peoria, Illinois could easily be considered the original king of comedy by many comedians of African-American descent, including Steve Harvey, the Wayans brothers, Cedric The Entertainer and many others. Pryor’s iconic roles outside of comedy specials include Sugar Ray in the 1989 film Harlem Nights and Montgomery Brewster/None Of The Above in the 1985 film Brewster’s Millions.

Brewster's Millions (10/13) Movie CLIP - None of the Above (1985) HD

The cameo from Bill Cosby was forgettable, despite the fact that he was put to sleep in the same fashion as his victims who were drugged in some fashion.

The same is true regarding the Collins cameo, who traded jabs with the unconscious Cosby, as well as Carlin and Pryor. A redeeming factor is a mention that the late comedienne went through so many plastic surgeries.

Williams appears in the form of a genie, which the Genie was one of his iconic roles from the animated Disney feature Aladdin.

O Carlin my Carlin
-- Robin Williams

The line was in reference to Walt Whitman’s “O Captain My Captain”, which was written about the 1865 assassination of President Abraham Lincoln. The poem was mentioned in the 1989 film Dead Poets Society and was part of the closing scene of the film. Williams played John Keating in the classic film.

Dead Poets Society: O Captain, My Captain

Williams made some jabs regarding Collins’ plastic surgery, with other jabs toward Carlin and Pryor. Williams also mentions Flubber, Good Will Hunting and Jumanji, before resorting back to Aladdin, where one of the plotlines involves the Genie being set free.

Stay tuned to how we rank the remaining five videos of 2019.

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Jake Leonard, a broadcast media and journalism veteran, is the editor-in-chief of Heartland Newsfeed. Leonard is also GM and program director of Heartland Newsfeed Radio Network and a contributing writer for My Sports Vote, Ambush Sports and Midwest Sports Network. He resides at home in Nokomis, Ill. with his dogs Sparky and Buster.